Thursday, February 3, 2011

Who is watching over you ?

As many of you know, its been a rough past two weeks for our family, with the death of a young boy in a horrible plane crash.  Our jobs, specifically Billy's, puts him into harms way each and every time he walks out the door to go to work. And even when he's on a scheduled "day off", he's subject to page outs as part of the dive team.  Its not just a day "at the office" for him, and for the others that work with him.  Its literally stepping into harms way, to protect us. You and me. The same goes for our troops, our firefighters and all the other forms of law enforcement out there.

This past weekend, I attended the Stanwood Foursquare annual women's retreat, held up at beautiful Semi-ah-moo Resort. The weekend was about us moms, us ladies, getting away.. laughing, learning, reflecting, praying, did I mention laughing ? Thou it was as always a wonderful experience, I couldn't quite get my mind to fully turn off the thoughts going back to the past week, and everything that had happened. I tried and I tried, but it never truly let me go...I found myself thinking about the poor family who had just lost their world. I thought about my amazing husband, who was hurting and not sleeping well w/the "visions" that kept him up at night... and I thought of the life lost too soon, now in Heaven looking down at everyone.

Sunday came upon me, and as I checked in with my husband that morning, he mentioned the memorial service for the little boy was that afternoon... I thought to myself, we need to go.  Not only to pay our respects, but for the true healing to begin, and eventually closure.  He was already ahead of me, and was planning on attending.  I asked him if he would like me to go with him, knowing in my heart I wanted to go, but asking him was what I needed to do.  Of course, he wanted me with him, and plans were set in place for us to meet up to go together.

We made it to the service, and from the second we got there, our healing began to come full circle. Floods of people approached my husband, dressed in his uniform, thanking him, holding him, hugging him, shaking his hand, telling him what a hard thing he did, and how grateful they were for him and what he did. Strangers hugged me, thanking me for supporting my husband in all he does to help everyone. Billy told everyone that it was a team effort, and he couldn't of done it without the help of others who made it to the scene. He's always been so gracious that way, another reason why I am madly in love with this guy!! As I watched the events unfold in front of me, my heart warmed...his heart (and mine for that matter) was healing ..  Here we were at a very sad event, yet good was coming out of it.

As the service began, we met the family... what a beautiful, loving family this boy had.  Both of his parents spoke, which took my breath away, as I couldn't even imagine the courage it took to stand in front of 100's of people, reading a letter to your lost son. The most emotional moments of course were the slide shows of the little ones face, and when his father spoke.  Many of you know, that the father was the pilot of the plane when it crashed. He survived, his 6 year old boy didn't. The father, in all his grief, stood in front of all of these people, and asked for OUR forgiveness of him, in what had happened to his son. My heart broke for him, as I knew that HE would need to forgive HIMSELF, even if every single person in that room stood up and forgave him. I understood where he was coming from, how would one even begin to comprehend losing your little boy ? But at the same time, I wanted to run up to him, hug him, look him in the eye and say YOU ARE FORGIVEN ALREADY, you just need to believe it, pray for it and accept it.  But I sat there, watching and crying as this man spoke to us....

I have been to several funerals in my nearly 35 years of life... however I do not recall one like this. The faith that this family has, and their beliefs were evident in every moment.  Jesus was there in that church, you could see it, feel it, sense it.  The beautiful prayers and music that were played touched so many lives, I will never forget it.  You could literally feel the warm embrace wrapped around us, but especially the family as they spoke.  I don't know if any of you will truly understand what I am saying ... but trust me, it was very real. I have goose bumps just recalling it. Billy and I held hands during the entire service, he knew I was there for him, as I knew he was there for me, but we both knew who was really there for us, for everyone. It was such a special moment, I wish you all could of felt it. 

As we left the service, we both had a sense of complete exhaustion.  Not only for the emotions we felt that day, but for the past week with all that had happened. But along with the exhaustion there was relief, less sadness, and more happiness. Healing had begun, and the healing would continue, but we were gonna be just fine... my guy and I...

What has spurred me to ramble on about all of this ?  Well besides being a healing process for me (writing), there is a lesson in this that I wanted to share with all of you... So many of you that our in my life, our lives, work in law enforcement... and even if you don't, there is still a lesson here for you ... It is so important, especially in this day and age, to PRAY EACH AND EVERY DAY as you get up, leave the house, go about your day.  Pray for your children, pray for your family, your spouses, pray pray pray. 

My sister mentioned a book from the Bible last weekend... Psalm 91.  I read it, wow.  Its pretty powerful.  She also had mentioned a book that was written, with the stories of cops, firefighters, and troops... Its called simply PSALM 91.  Its on Amazon.com, and I encourage you all to take a look at it.  I will be ordering the book soon, because I know deep down there is a lesson in it somewhere for me, for Billy, to take away from it...

Who watches over you as you leave your loved ones ? Who watches over you as you go about your day, kicking in doors, arresting the worst of the worst, being there in others times of need.. who is there for you ?? Thou we all want to be there to help each other, we can't always ... we have to rely on something bigger than all of us .. We all need protection over us, day to day, month by month, year to year... I will keep doing my part praying for the safety and protection of those I love, but I encourage you all to read the above passages and pray yourselves...

Today here, we woke up, the sun was shining, the birds seemed to have returned from their winter play lands and were chirping, yet the house was quiet and peaceful ... its going to be a good day I said... and that it is for sure...

Amy

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